so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
