What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
