Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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