Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
