the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
