Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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