don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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