my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
