He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
