Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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