we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
