Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
