Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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