either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
