In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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