So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
