can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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