If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
