so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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