I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?