i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
