i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
