dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
