Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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