after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
