It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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