I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
