this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
