I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
