I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
