so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
