im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
