she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
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Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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