so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
