Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
