Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
