i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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