I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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