I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize