question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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