Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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