i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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