There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
