found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
