I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
