The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
