my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
