Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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