cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
