he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
