youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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