Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
