i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
