I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
