so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
