I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
