It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
