It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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