he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
